Category Archives: Musings

My Pedals may not be Turning (yet), but my Mind Certainly Is

I am still ordering things for my bike and my bike trip. I am still sorting out what app(s) I may use for routing and/or recording my trip. I am still designing a route (though that is something that can and will be a semi-daily task). I am still meeting with friends and family before I leave; just this morning I met with a good friend and inspiration over coffee (everything over coffee). Now I am having more coffee, more food, and listing off  things to take care of before I leave (note to self: do actually make a list).

My framebag from Rockgeist arrived a few days ago. It was the last necessary item for my bike that I thought I would need, but alas, that is not the case because the front rack I had ordered to support my handlebar bag that isn’t supposed to need a support doesn’t fit my fork. (In case you’re wondering, there is nothing wrong with my bar bag. There simply isn’t enough space between the top of the front tire and the handlebars for the bag to hang without needing a support. I knew this was a possibility when I purchased, but hoped otherwise.) I’ve just ordered one that will, after messaging Rodeo Adventure Labs for a recommendation. I suspect that will get here Monday. None of this is ideal. But what is ideal, anyway? Are having all of our heart’s wants and desires being fulfilled in a way we want and at our moment’s notice ideal? What if a current moment being disruptive or unwanted yields great joy in the future? Or, what if so insistent on forcing one’s notion of an ideal, i.e., a desire, into RIGHT NOW one unwittingly destroys a more satisfying moment in the future? Again, this begs the question of “what is ideal?” Is it ideal for me to leave on Sunday, or Wednesday? Is there a qualitative difference between the two? I suppose I won’t know until I go, but even then there is no way for me to compare the two scenarios. I wanted to leave a week and a half ago. I’m still here. I say it’s not ideal, but is it not ideal just because it’s not what I wanted (or thought that I wanted)?

“Ideal” is not synonymous with “want” or “desire” but I’d bet most people commonly equate the two. This can make for a lot of unnecessary stress in one’s life that is otherwise avoidable. According to the dictionary app on my Mac “ideal” is defined as “satisfying one’s conception of what is perfect; most suitable.” But even that is subject to much interpretation as is evident in the definition by the words “one’s conception.” What is most suitable for a given situation? Well, different people will likely define that differently. And we can forget about the idea of perfection since it’s simply unattainable (because it doesn’t actually exist, or because it’s so lofty a goal that no human being is capable of reaching to those heights?). Too, what if a person’s goals are unhealthy or crooked? Say I want to be happy, and I have a sweet tooth so that my happiness has a strong correlation with my sugar intake. Well then, eating a dozen donuts a day is an ideal solution to satisfying that sugar craving, and thus my happiness. But, is that really an ideal avenue to happiness? I think not (keep in mind I’m simplifying a complex thing in order to make a point and/or create an argument). Everyone at this point should be familiar with the consequences of too great a sugar intake (potential to develop diabetes, weight gain, rotten teeth, etc.), so, if the goal, to be happy by satisfying my sweet tooth, is itself not ideal, then are the ideal means of reaching that goal really ideal? There’s an old Chinese proverb: “If the wrong man uses the right means, then the right means work in the wrong way.” So, in this case, if the ideal means are used to achieve the wrong goal, then the ideal means work in the wrong way.

Anyway, I’m currently unemployed, so I’m not trying to spend much money since I’m not actually on the road yet. But, my unemployment just means more time to get more important things done. More important than making money? But what could be more important than that? Perhaps that’s a blog post for another day…

New Bicycle, New Preparations, New Journey, New Life

Nearly two years have passed, twenty-three months to be exact, since I returned from my last bicycle adventure which turned into a motor vehicle adventure, and I am at last preparing for something new.

I like the idea of the new, of newness. I like new things, new people(s), new places, new experiences, new sensations—sights, sounds, smells, flavors, textures. Newness means also freshness. It is the opposite of old or stale. It also implies difference, but this isn’t always the case as newness is often times simply a matter of perception. Is it easy to perceive the same (or the old) as new, as fresh? No, not always, not often, but neither is it impossible. It takes some work, and it takes a quiet, at-ease mind: something too regularly out of reach I think for most people (or so they might think), especially these days with the constant stimulus of a cellphone or tablet in our hand or pocket. To find newness in the old requires that one step back from all the noise, and the more often the better, and relax,  not by reading a book or watching the telly (these are the very things we’re trying to get away from), but by simply sitting still and breathing. Maybe closing one’s eyes if that helps, and then reopening them and having a look around. Better to do this outside at a park or elsewhere in a mostly natural environment, and better still a place of solitude or near-solitude (the quiet nod of hello to another fellow finding his/her own sense of newness can obviously be included in one’s own discoveries). This doesn’t have to take a long time. Ten or fifteen minutes can be a surprisingly invigorating refresher, but I often find it easy to lose track of time and thirty minutes or more will pass easily, as though in fact it hadn’t and you were only in that moment…. But when you look at your watch….

I don’t provide myself the opportunity often enough for this. THERE IS SO MUCH IN THE WORLD SO EASILY WITHIN REACH NOW. Is there really though? I mean it’s certainly near effortless to get exposure to “so much in the world” nowadays, but how authentic is that relative to the greater sensorial experience of going out and doing, of, say, visiting the pyramids of Egypt rather than looking at a picture or video? Anyway, the whole point of this is sort of to say that I’m struggling to find the new in Annapolis, and maybe Annapolis is not for me (I’ve lived in and around it my whole life after all), or maybe I just need to get away for a while. Who knows? Are either of these ideas wrong? Certainly not. They just are. They’re ideas. The truth will be discovered in time.

Originally I thought I was to leave here a year ago. However, one’s thinking about what the future may be is frequently not how that future, then the present, now the past actually becomes. In my case, a year ago I was not in a great hurry to leave, and was quite content, and seeing things new. I also made a great discovery, that being Bitcoin and the rest of the world of blockchain technology, last August and got sucked down that rabbit hole. I believe this will pay off for me, and countless others whether they may know it or not, in a few years time (or perhaps sooner, or perhaps later). At any rate, the stars seem to be aligning (as the saying goes) for an imminent departure now. A bit later in the season than I would prefer as largely I want to be places warm and sunny, but this life is doing the way this life is doing. I’m quite content.

So, yes. This newest blog post of mine has gone on much longer than I anticipated, and in directions I didn’t quite anticipate. The key in all things is not so much to fight it, but to let it flow in the way it wants.  There is a channel already provided. One only has to direct “it” into the channel, and not try to dam the channel up or redirect the flow or whatever other silly things humans like to do to pretend they’re in control. The ideal then, really, is to be simultaneously the funnel and the thing being funneled. To make the decision and also to allow the decision to be made for you.

More updates soon!

A History (Part 2)

So I got into BMX, then got out of BMX. I was 15 then I was 22. At 22 or so I was going through a depression. Perceived health issues, a lack of direction (not a bad thing unless one thinks it is, and I very strongly thought it was), debt, jobs that couldn’t enable me to get out of debt (they paid too little), parental pressure regarding a college education (my lack thereof) or career path all contributed. It was around this time that I picked up my first camera, a Nikon N65, shortly thereafter upgraded to an N75.

I remember vaguely the first roll of film (color negative, and I think some sort of Fuji) that I shot: some photographs around the Naval Academy Bridge which straddles the Severn River. Beside this bridge is a fishing pier, repurposed from what remains of the old Naval Academy bridge, projecting into the river some fifty yards. I was fascinated with this old bridge, both the interesting views from it—there was a piece of chainlink fence erected along a small portion that chunked up one’s views through it—and what I could find beneath it. I also photographed beneath the new bridge, from shore to shore across the river, between its supports—a popular single-point perspective composition still today. Nearby also were the hulking remains of an old dock restaurant on the river that had given up the ghost. The planks of the docks had been completely removed with the exception of the pylons which obviously weren’t worth the effort of removing, and remained, half rotted away sticking up from the water like so many broken shards. But for some reason my strongest memory is of one specific photo I took: the view projected upward at two excavators in profile parked on the side of the road at the foot of the bridge. The sky is mainly overcast and the excavators are a vivid orange, yellow, and blue. There is a lot of green in the lower half of the photo. In fact, the entire lower half of the photo is green because it was the grass slope leading from the park, where I was standing below, to the highway above. Then there is a portion of the barrier preventing one from driving off the road and down the hill (or into the river depending on how far up the bridge you might be). The excavators are at opposite ends of the picture. A completely forgettable photo of absolutely nothing. I don’t know what attracted me to it. I suppose because I just happened to be there, and it was something to shoot… (The colors of the excavators popped strongly against the white-grey of the sky too.) I had a fairly competent idea of image composure at the time, even for it being my first roll of film, though filling that much of the frame with nothing but grass is as a general rule not recommended (not saying it’s wrong, per se, but it only works infrequently filling the frame with that much of nothing).

The first name I remember knowing that belonged to the world of photography is Henri Cartier-Bresson. He is my most beloved of photographers today, but I can’t say where or when I first heard his name, or how I became familiar with the few images of his that I was familiar with. I had also heard the term “street photography” at some time as well (probably in connection with H.C.B.). This was all before ever picking up a camera, mind you. However, once acquiring my camera I web searched the phrase, “street photography”. On the first page of results, to my best recollection, was a link to a blog by a fellow, Dave Beckerman.

I was to follow Mr. Beckerman’s blog for the next couple of years until he went off into digital HDR-land and I grew disinterested with his photographs. But until that time his blog was a great resource for me, not to mention sheer joy and entertainment to read (he was, and still is, a marvelous writer and storyteller), and I loved his photographs and experiments (dragging a view camera onto a subway car for example).

When I got into photography digital cameras were of course not what they are today, and anybody professional, or anyone who cared about image quality still shot film. Dave was naturally then shooting film at the time, and I think these are his best images, to be honest. I remember early on he was still working for an ad agency (I think), and I remember him writing about leaving his job eventually so that he could focus on photography full-time. He used to sell his photos outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art, along with numerous others, but then realized that he could harness the power of the web and sell online, and so he setup his first store. Of course he was still shooting film at this time, living in his cramped Manhattan apartment, which of course means that he needed dedicated (or at least modular) space for a darkroom, and was making all these prints he was shipping out to people by hand. He eventually bought a film scanner and experimented with that as well. It seems everything he was doing in the realm of photography was an experiment, though at the time all things digital workflow related were experimental, and this I think is one of the reasons his blog was so fascinating for me to read.

He referenced Bob Dylan a lot too.

Anyway, Dave was a big influence on me as I sank my teeth more deeply into photography. Eventually, pulling a bit out of my depression, I moved to downtown Annapolis, where I kinda am today. I started shooting in black & white with a film that could be developed with the same chemicals as color-negative. But not long after making the conversion to black & white I realized that I should probably learn how to develop it myself, partly to save money on processing costs, but also because that magical process that I knew nothing about fascinated me.

There has been for a long time a creative arts school located just on the edge of downtown Annapolis called Maryland Hall for the Creative Arts (fitting name, no?), and this is where I went for my pretty basic classes on film development and print making. I was taught by the venerable Dick Bond, a humorous teacher with somewhat wild, white hair, a sly gleam in his eye (think Doc Emmett Brown, Christopher Lloyd’s character in Back to the Future) and a predilection for shimmering black and white landscape photographs of forests and wetlands patiently shot with a large format camera.

I have since moved on from shooting film to shooting digital, not really because I want to (though I do like the flexibility in being able to convert an image from color to black and white and vice-versa), but because it’s impractical to travel with quantities of film and chemicals (especially when traveling by bicycle), and for the advantages of being able to so quickly edit an image and upload it to something like Instagram for immediate consumption by my legion of fans (that’s a joke, by the way).

I am continually developing new ways of seeing and photographing. The ability to shoot in either color or black and white on my Fuji has been the biggest contributor to this, as well as the trouble with manually focusing through the viewfinder of the X-Pro1 I was shooting with. I think also my initial discovery of photographers like Stephen Shore, William Eggleston, etc., and my rediscovery of them over the last year and a half has influenced to some extent what I think may be regarded as a relevant subject in a photograph. But I think also the paintings of Rembrandt and Caravaggio, and certain modern painters (Piet Mondrian for example) has influenced the direction that I am taking my interpretation of photography, or the photographic world.

What is There to Say?

Well, it’s been quite a long time since my last post (I tried to drag them out for as long as possible) and an even longer time since the end of my trip around parts of the southern United States (and Colorado, Utah, California). Once I made it to the end of my journal, that was it. To be truthful I was hardly motivated to post the last several journal entries. I felt that once the trip ended, and in particular the cycling portion (with some exceptions), there was little point in writing or recording anything. Yet just the same, I saw the value in it, and so continued on, vacillating all the while.

I want to pick up the writing thing again, but I don’t know what that will entail, what topics I might discuss. The title of this blog has changed to reflect its stronger ties to myself as a photographer, rather than just a cycle touring blog, but truth be told I haven’t been photographing much over the last several months (though prior to that I had been fairly regularly), so there isn’t much in the realm of my own photography to munch on. But perhaps I may revisit some of those photographs, post some here along with my thoughts on photographing Annapolis (and Fort Lauderdale and NYC), and photography and art in general. I’m really hoping I’m able to find the time to fit it into my schedule; even taking the time to type all this is a minor miracle in itself, but it feels productive, and I’m enjoying it. Ultimately, hope is useless. I either will find the time, or I won’t. There is no point in hoping that I do something.

Additionally, I’ve written some short poems here and there, and I believe I have some recordings that I made over my iPhone while traveling that I have not yet transcribed, so perhaps that is another source of material for this blog.

Vague future plans for the coming months. Something international I’m thinking, but nebulous it all is still.

75 -Dreaming as Always

Just found this in my journal while looking to post some fresher writings. Well, can’t go forward without going back. So…

San Francisco. Hayes Valley. Ritual Coffee Roasters. I feel like I’m in a participatory art project, or, unbeknownst to me have wandered onto a movie set. White chairs scattered around a gravel lot like bird droppings, in no discernible pattern. Pedestrians lounging in the warming sun, some peering at a phone, others gazing into space or watching me taking in my surroundings as I write, or observing passersby themselves, but impossible to tell as most are in sunglasses. Regardless, they all look like extras in a movie waiting for the director’s call, or are extras in a movie, currently rolling, of which I am the star. A pigeon waddles by on orange, matchstick legs like a child’s toy. It should be pulled by a string and rolling on castors. A skateboarder at a grind box interrupts the general state of quiet calm, only briefly, but the clatter sounds of a rockslide. A blow to one’s reveries. A violent shaking awake from an aqueous dream of surrender. I can’t ascertain the use for the enormous blank board that leans over the lot like a spectator, pale and on the edge of his seat during the climax of a play or the last few meters of a too-close-to-call foot race. And the orange metal planters and tables, triangle shaped, the only splashes of color in the space, and so, humming with energy like tiny incubated explosions popping off repeatedly. There is the ever constant breeze which whisks through this dream of mine. I wonder if it will carry me home when I leave.